i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
