Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
