never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry my hands just texted you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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