I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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