I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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