she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
