Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
