Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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