cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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