speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
