You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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