is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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