why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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