he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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