We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
