Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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