The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize