my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
