Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
