Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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