Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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