he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
