I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
