so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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