literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
