I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
