batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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