Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
