Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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