it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
