if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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