you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
