I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
