At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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