This is not my ceiling
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
