Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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