Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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