This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
