I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
