just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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