I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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