yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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