Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
