woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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