if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
