so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
