Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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