i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
