That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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