I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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