So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
vagina is talking i cant
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
