he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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