Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
