Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize