Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
