Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize