Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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