i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
