i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
