Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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