Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
