Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
