You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
