She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
