I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize