the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
