Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
