I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is wine microwaveable?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize