I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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