I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
